Things we love:

No one frowns on you for not sleeping. It’s hot! It is neighbours with Formentera, the ultimate hangover cure. They invented Hierbas, try it, it’s healthy. It’s home to Privilege, the biggest club in the world. In Ibiza it is thought to be bad luck to allow a priest on to a fishing boat. This could be b*llocks but we hope it’s true. James Blunt lives there.

Things we wish we’d known:

Bora Bora Beach does not live up to its namesake. Unless you’re as rich as Roman Abromavich, we suggest you blag your way into the clubs' VIP areas because bottles of water cost as much as €15 (and tap water is warm and salty). According to Nostradamus, Ibiza is the only place that could survive a nuclear war due to their prevailing winds. BarChick is considering relocating.